No Runny Eggs

I waffled between the game and the race, with much the same result in both. A couple of quick thoughts of my own before we head to the Cheddarsphere for the rest of the autopsy:

• The defense can play…for 15 minutes. Unfortunately, they need to play for 60.
• If Holmgren were still here, the waiver wire would be filled with Ahman Green and various receivers who can’t hang onto the ball.
• Reggie Bush hasn’t figured out yet that the NFL is much faster than the NCAA. Once he does, though, look out.
• See below for my thoughts on Wile E. Thompson (mud spelled backwards) and E. Michael McCan’thy.

Now, the few brave souls that didn’t find something more fulfilling to do with a Sunday afternoon, like painting (last updated 6:30 am 9/18/2006):

• Mike found some positives. I’m surprised he didn’t file this under “20 years of bad football”.
• Kevin says, “Don’t do illegal things to get you through 20 years of bad football.”
• In an early report, Mary marvelled that the Pack actually scored. She hasn’t been seen since. She finally got out of the stupor induced by quarters 2, 3 and 4 late last night.
• Troy blames Jim Doyle for the 0-2 start.
• Native Texan Kate gloats. Go ahead; I’m gloating over my 10-5 performance against the line.
• The head barkeep lays odds on the #1 pick in the 2007 draft. I only hope that Wile E. isn’t in a position to blow that pick.
• Jib got back home too late for the highlights, but arrived just in time for the lowlights.
• Dennis York endured the ultimate torture; a trip from Madistan to Lambeau Field via the Marquette Interchange. Be thankful you didn’t have to go south; we South Siders don’t matter worth a damn to the Craps DOT (seriously, it’s kind of hard to connect temporary ramps to the High Rise).

Allow me to give it the Lazamataz “We’re all gonna die!!!!” treatment.

So I went 7-9 and only nailed 1 of my 2 over/unders. There’s still 16 weeks left, but let’s quickly review Weak 1 before moving on to Week 2 and redemption…

Miami 17 (+1) @ Pittsburgh 28 – I’m glad that Batch didn’t play for Duh Lions.
Denver 10 (-4) @ St. Louis 18 – Snakebit again.
NY Jets 23 @ Tennessee 16 (-2.5) – Damn it, damn it, damn iiiiit!
Atlanta 20 @ Carolina 6 (-5) – At least I was right about Vick not being a passer.
Cincinnati 23 (+1.5) @ Kansas City 10 – Who needs an offense when you have a defense?
Seattle 9 (-6.5-LOSS) @ Detroit 6 – And the Super Bowl Loser Slump™ begins early.
Philadelphia 24 (-6) @ Houston 10 – Lumber laid. You think the Texans could’ve used Bush?
Baltimore 27 @ Tampa Bay 0 (-3) – At least I told you to take the under, but who knew the OldBrowns had an offense?
New Orleans 19 @ Cleveland 14 (-3) – Bad news for this week; the Aint’s are on a roll.
Buffalo 17 (+9.5-WIN) @ New England 19 – Who knew neither team had an offense either?
Chicago 26 (-4) @ Green Bay 0 – Let the chants begin!
San Francisco 27 (+7.5-WIN) @ Arizona 34 – I’m glad I got the points.
Dallas 17 (+2) @ Jacksonville 24 – I knew that was a bad reason to take the Pokes.
Indianapolis 26 (-3.5) @ NY Giants 21 – To answer last week’s question, it’s because neither team has a defense.
Minnesota 19 @ Washington 16 (-4.5) – We really need something bad to happen to Brad Johnson; he just wins, baby.
San Diego 27 (-3) @ Oakland – Repeating – Two letters; LT.

With that out of the way, let’s head on over to bodog.com and grab this week’s smorgasbord of NFL action. As last week proved, you’re an idiot if you take my advice and gamble with Knock-Knees Tony, so be warned that I do not cover any broken knees, fingers, necks, taxes or lawyers’ fees –

New Orleans (-3) @ Green Bay – Until the Pack proves otherwise (or, more likely, until they get Duh Viqueens and Duh Lions outside in December), give the points.
Detroit (+8.5) @ Chicago – Special teams are rarely good for more than 5 points, so also take the under-32.
Oakland @ Baltimore (-13) – If you can’t score against the Bolts, you can’t score period.
Houston @ Indianapolis (-14) – This is turning into an all-lumber weekend. Start building your dream home.
Cleveland @ Cincinnati (-11) – The NewBrowns can’t win at home against the Aint’s, what makes anyone think they have a chance against the BENgals?
Buffalo (+6.5) @ Miami – Again, it’s a tale of no offenses. They’re already calling for Culpepper’s head in Miami, not realizing the absolute disaster waiting in the wings.
Carolina (+1.5) @ Minnesota – You may like the 1 1/2 points, you may want the 1 1/2 points, and by law, if you gamble legally, you’ll get the 1 1/2 points, but you’re not gonna need them. The Panther Super Bowl Express gets back on the train this week.
New York Giants @ Philadelphia (-3) – Philly has a bit of a defense, the G-men don’t.
Tampa Bay @ Atlanta (-6) – Chuckie, we have a problem. We have a complete defensive failure, a main offense undervolt, multiple caution and warning lights.
St Louis (-3) @ San Francisco – Take the over-43.5 as the main play here.
Arizona (+7) @ Seattle – It ain’t December yet, so Denny Green isn’t in full-choke mode yet.
New England (-6.5) @ NY Jets – I said it before, I’ll say it again, so I’ll spare you the chant this week.
Tennessee @ San Diego (-12) – Heck, Joan Rivers could start at QB and the Bolts would still cover.
Kansas City (+11) @ Denver – So I was wrong; it’s not a all-lumber weekend.
Washington @ Dallas (-7) – Any week TO and She can stay out of Tuna’s net is a good week to take the ‘Boys.
Pittsburgh (-3) @ Jacksonville – You heard it here first; Big Ben’s back, and the Jags are in trouble.

(Cross-posted at TheWisconsinSportsBar)