No Runny Eggs

(H/T and many thanks – Ian Schwartz)

Just in case you missed it live, or on the news, or on the 1,238 airings on ESPN,…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_i5ssRj41Xs[/youtube]

I think Favre can still throw the deep ball.

So I blew chunks again on the over/unders (down to 10-5-1 overall there); 9-4 against the spread made up for it. Let’s review the Man-crushing week that was:

Green Bay 19 (+3) @ Denver 13 – I knew Elway. Elway was an enemy of mine. Mr. Cutler, you are no Elway.
Detroit 16 @ Chicago 7 (-6) – I should’ve stuck with my initial thoughts.
Philadelphia 23 @ Minnesota 16 (+1.5) – Unhealthiest profession this year; Viqueens’ QB.
Cleveland 27 (-3) @ St. Louis 20 – It’s a dirty rotten shame that Duh Lambs and Duh Deadfins don’t meet </sarcasm>
Indianapolis 31 (-7) @ Carolina 7 – That’s how you go undefeated the “nice” way.
NY Giants 13 (-10-LOSS) "@" Miami 10 – The boo-birds made both the G-men and the Dolphins feel right at home.
Oakland 9 @ Tennessee 13 (-7-LOSS) – Too bad the Tennesseans are also a 1-AA school.
Pittsburgh 24 (-4) @ Cincinnati 13 – The trend is your friend.
Buffalo 13 (+3) @ NY Jets 3 – Come on, say it with me. J-E-T-S S*CK! SU*K! SUC*!
Houston 10 @ San Diego 35 (-9) – Vincent K. McMahon couldn’t script it better.
Jacksonville 24 (+4) @ Tampa Bay 23 – Not only did Garcia get picked (thrice), but the first pick was the margin.
New Orleans 31 (-3) @ San Francisco 10 – Algore must be playing for the Fourtiners.
Washington 7 @ New England 52 (-17) – Guess Belichick had the over.

I’m still 6 games under .500 and further out from break-even, but after the month from Hell, 51-57-8 is an accomplishment.

After last week’s 8-6 money-making performance, I’m now only 11 games under .500 (we won’t talk about those over/unders). Guess I’m peaking just in time for the 2007 Weblog Awards (we’ll know if the Bar is going to the finals later this week, and if it is, we really should have somebody lined up to go out to Vegas for Blogworld where the awards will be handed out Nov. 8-9). With that in mind, let’s start making serious bank with this week’s picks.

Green Bay (+3) @ Denver – Which Bronco team will show up, the one that stiffed the Steelers or the one that got shocked out of existence by the Chargers? Walker’s out, so take the latter. Oh, and take the over-42.5.
Detroit @ Chicago (-6) – I was SOOOO tempted to take the Lions until I remembered that this is on the road in the cold.
Philadelphia @ Minnesota (+1.5) – If it were just the Vikes D versus the Eagles, I would still take my one-and-a-half. In fact, that’s pretty much what it is, so take the under-37.5.
Cleveland (-3) @ St. Louis – We could have two teams go 0-16 this year. I see nothing that will stop the Lambs from sinking further towards that hole this week.
Indianapolis (-7) @ Carolina – C^BS will let NOTHING happen to its dream matchup next week.
NY Giants (-10) “@” Miami – Can someone tell me why we’re playing an NFL regular-season game in Londonistan? Oh, that’s right, the Fins aren’t an NFL team.
Oakland @ Tennessee (-7) – It does not matter who’s starting for the Tennesseans; they’re playing a 1-AA school.
Pittsburgh (-4) @ Cincinnati – Stat of the week: Pittsburgh is 6-0 in their last 6 trips to Cincy.
Buffalo (+3) @ NY Jets – You may like the points, you may want the points, and by law, you will get the points, but you’re not gonna need them; the Bills are starting their squeaky-new QB, the Jets are stuck on stupid.
Houston @ San Diego (-9) – If a fire can’t stop the Bolts, what makes the Texans think they can?
Jacksonville (+4) @ Tampa Bay – It’s a MASH-unit mash. Stat that won’t survive the day – Jeff Garcia does not have a pick yet this year.
New Orleans (-3) @ San Francisco – Three weeks ago, that -3 would’ve been in the Niners’ corner. Now, they’re the disfunctional team, while the Saints got their “S” back.
Washington @ New England (-17) – Lesson of the day: Don’t bring Jason Campbell to a shootout.

Hopefully I’ll be doing this from Vegas inside of 2 weeks after The Wisconsin Sports Bar wins the 2007 Weblog Awards Sports Blog of the Year, so it’s good that I’m reversing the losing trend. Let’s review how the nose picks did….

Chicago 19 @ Philadelphia 16 (-6) – In other news, Rocky got booed.
Tampa Bay 16 (+2.5) @ Detroit 23 – Turnover, turnover, turnover.
Minnesota 14 @ Dallas 24 (-9) – Where did my sense of the over-unders go?
Arizona 19 @ Washington 21 (-8.5-LOSS) – Please send the bill to Messrs. Fletcher and Landry.
Atlanta 16 (+8-WIN) @ New Orleans 22 – Guess we know why the Jags gave up on Leftwich; he’s no Favre.
Baltimore 14 (-3) @ Buffalo 19 – The OldBrowns did everything right except win, dammit.
New England 49 (-17) @ Miami 28 – Start building.
San Francisco 15 @ NY Giants 33 (-9.5) – So it was Dilfer who put on the cement overshoes.
Tennessee 38 (-1) @ Houston 36 – And I ran, I ran so far away. Couldn’t get away, but I got just enough points.
Kansas City 12 (+3) @ Oakland 10 – I was only 28 yards and 2 scores off.
NY Jets 31 (+6.5) @ Cincinnati 38 – Where did these offenses come from?
St. Louis 6 @ Seattle (-8.5) – I picked the right week to go with the Hags.
Pittsburgh 28 (-4) @ Denver 31 – I think it’s safe to say that Pittsburgh is not a road team.
Indianapolis 29 (-3.5) @ Jacksonville 7 – The C^BS dream is still alive.

If you stayed away from the now-toxic over/unders, you made bank last week to the tune of 8-6, at least if your vig is only 10%. That pushes the record to 42-53-8 against the spread and 10-3-1 against the over/under.

After the first over-.500 week of the season, I’m still scuffling along with a 34-47-8 record against the line, and my first loss against the over-unders puts me at 10-1-1 in that department. Treat your man like Home Depot during a fire sale on lumber with these nose picks:

Chicago @ Philadelphia (-6) – Chicago police will be cordoning off the streets around the Sears Tower Monday.
Tampa Bay (+2.5) @ Detroit – You know the drill by now. The fans at Ford Field will see what could’ve been if only Matt Millen weren’t GM.
Minnesota @ Dallas (-9) – Dallas defense, meet Mr. Peterson. Adrian, meet Astro-turf. Oh, and jump all over that over-46.5 for some extra cash.
Arizona @ Washington (-8.5) – I do believe I said the Redbirds are done.
Atlanta (+8) @ New Orleans – The fresh QB scenario is operative.
Baltimore (-3) @ Buffalo – When will Dick Jauron be fired in Buffalo? I say Week 11.
New England (-17) @ Miami – Normally, I wouldn’t lay the collegiate-worthy lumber, especially with the Pats not having a running game. However, who needs a running game against the Fins?
San Francisco @ NY Giants (-9.5) – Mr. Smith, meet Mr. Hoffa.
Tennessee (-1) @ Houston – Ignore the injury report; the former Houston team will run away with this one (literally).
Kansas City (+3) @ Oakland – If LT can get almost 200 yards and 4 scores against the Raiders, LJ can get 130 and 3.
NY Jets (+6.5) @ Cincinnati – Go under, way under the 47.5.
St. Louis @ Seattle (-8.5) – The Rams picked the wrong week to take a trip up to the Pacific Northwest.
Pittsburgh (-4) @ Denver – It just doesn’t get any better for the Broncos.
Indianapolis (-3.5) @ Jacksonville – It’s not the playoffs yet, so C^BS will not be disappointed at the end of the week.

Sure, it’s a crushed-by-the-vig 6-5-2, and I only went 1-1 last week against the over/under, but a win’s a win!

Washington 14 (+3-TIE) @ Green Bay 17 – D-FENSE! D-FENSE! D-FENSE!
Minnesota 34 @ Chicago 31 (-5.5) – Unfortunately for me, all the D was up north.
Cincinnati 20 (-3) @ Kansas City 27 – Back to the BenGALS.
Houston 17 @ Jacksonville 37 (-7) – Mo-Jo Rising!
Miami 31 @ Cleveland 41 (-4.5) – Add Trent “Never Played a Full Season” Green to the dead pool.
Philadelphia 16 (-4) @ NY Jets 9 – 9-0, baby.
St. Louis 3 @ Baltimore 22 (-9) – Let’s party like it’s October 1962. On second thought,….
Tennessee 10 (+3-TIE) @ Tampa Bay 13 – The Bucs are the plague.
Carolina 25 @ Arizona 10 (-6) – Stick the fork in the Redbirds.
New England 48 @ Dallas 27 (+6.5) – Can ANYBODY stop the Pats? They came within 6 of doing the over themselves.
Oakland 14 @ San Diego 28 (-10) – I have two letters for you; LT!
New Orleans 28 @ Seattle 17 (-6.5) – Another night game, another extra-chunky call.
NY Giants 31 (-3.5) @ Atlanta 10 – Good thing it wasn’t an official over/under call.

I’m 14 games under .500 (28-42-6) and further from break-even against the spread, but since I’m 9-0-1 against the over/unders, and I found the new home of Bodog (degenerates, bookmark it), let’s roll on through Wea…er, Week 6.

Washington (+3) @ Green Bay – Bad news; it’s raining. Worse news; it’s not snow.
Minnesota @ Chicago (-5.5) – The rookie wall hits early and often. Go under the 37.
Cincinnati (-3) @ Kansas City – Resistable force, meet movable object.
Houston @ Jacksonville (-7) – I’m oh-so-tempted to jump on the over/under, but 37 is a wee bit low.
Miami @ Cleveland (-4.5) – Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead, and so are the Deadfins.
Philadelphia (-4) @ NY Jets – Stat of the week for the game of the weak – the Eaglets are 8-0 after a bye under Andy Reid.
St. Louis @ Baltimore (-9) – The last time Duh Lambs started 0-6, Kennedy was still President.
Tennessee (+3) @ Tampa Bay – You may want the points, but thanks to a MASH unit giving them, you won’t need them.
Carolina @ Arizona (-6) – Warner ain’t done yet (that’s next week), while I have a rational hatred of Vinnie Testaverte.
New England @ Dallas (+6.5) – This is your preview to the 42nd edition of the Game That Cannot Be Named Because Of The No Fun League. As such, take the over-53.
Oakland @ San Diego (-10) – The band is back together, and even NOOOO!!!!! Turner can’t fuck it up.
New Orleans @ Seattle (-6.5) – Odds of Reggie Bush making it out of Seattle healthy – 2-3. Go against it.
NY Giants (-3.5) @ Atlanta – Over/under on G-men sacks – 7.5. Go over.

Knock Knees Tony found me, and in lieu of destroying my knuckles, he’s making me recap the month from Hell and give you the rest of the year for free:

Week 2 (5-11 ATS, 2-0 O/U)

Green Bay 35 @ NY Giants (-2.5) – I got my solace on game-day instead.
Buffalo 3 @ Pittsburgh 26 (-10) – Stat of the day – third/fourth-down efficiency – Pittsburgh 11-16, Buffalo 5-16.
Cincinnati 45 (-7.5) @ Cleveland 51 – The name is Neo.
Indianapolis 22 (-7.5-LOSS) @ Tennessee 20 – Fluke? Guess not. 141 yards on 34 carries isn’t flukish.
Houston 34 (+7) @ Carolina 21 – Ahman Green lasted just long enough.
San Francisco 17 (+3) @ St. Louis 16 – I can’t say enough about Frank “Don’t call me Al” Gore.
Atlanta 7 (+10.5-WIN) @ Jacksonville 13 – Did you put your 401k on Hotlanta? Good.
New Orleans 14 (-4.5) @ Tampa Bay 31 – Hope you were in a laughing instead of a daring mood.
Minnesota 17 (-3.5) @ Detroit 20 – Damned OT.
Kansas City 10 @ Chicago 20 (-13-LOSS) – If you can dodge a lead pipe, you can dodge a ball – THUNK! At least I told you to take the under
Dallas 37 (-4) @ Miami 20 – Repeating, the Deadfins are dead.
Seattle 20 (-3) @ Arizona 23 – I told you to take Leinart to not finish the game.
NY Jets 13 @ Baltimore 20 (-10-LOSS) – Now, I’m the one with no arms.
Oakland 20 @ Denver 23 (-10-LOSS) – The Rocky Mountain Lumber layeth me low. Once again, damned OT.
San Diego 14 (+3.5) @ New England 38 – Drop the “RV” and you get “NOOOOOOO!!!!!”
Washington 20 @ Philadelphia 12 (-7) – No oil for McNabb or me.

Week 3 (6-7-3 ATS, 2-0 O/U)

San Diego 24 @ Green Bay 31 (+6.5) – And I ain’t broke.
Detroit 21 (+5.5) @ Philadelphia 56 – As long as you took the over, you’re good to go.
Indianapolis 30 (-7-LOSS) @ Houston 24 – Sammy the Bull isn’t my friend.
Minnesota 10 (+3-TIE) @ Kansas City 13 – It’s topsy-turvy in the NFL.
Buffalo 7 @ New England 38 (-17) – I would like to thank Dick Jauron for my new house.
Miami 28 (+3-TIE) @ NY Jets 31 – Sheer luck on the part of the Jets.
San Francisco 16 (+10) @ Pittsburgh 37 – Only one of those defenses showed up, and boy did they show up.
Arizona 23 @ Baltimore 26 (-7.5-LOSS) – Had the OldBrowns defense scored, I would have been happy. Instead, it’s mac and cheese.
St. Louis 3 @ Tampa Bay 24 (-3.5) – SWEEP! SWEEP! SWEEP!
Jacksonville 23 @ Denver 14 (-3.5) – It wasn’t sooner.
Cincinnati 21 @ Seattle 24 (-3-TIE) – The house is just loving all these pushes.
Cleveland 24 (+3-WIN) @ Oakland 26 – Mr. Anderson, meet Mr. Smith Not Agent Smith, just Smith.
Carolina 27 (-4.5) @ Atlanta 20 – The only thing Joanie didn’t do right was win.
NY Giants 24 @ Washington 17 (-4) – How bad is my nose-picking? Does the fact that I took Duh Deadskins tell you anything?
Dallas 34 @ Chicago 10 (-3) – 3, 3.5, it didn’t matter. It was another GROSSman performance.
Tennessee 31 (+4) @ New Orleans 14 – Repeating, back to the Aints.

Week 4 (5-9 ATS, 1-0-1 O/U)

Green Bay 23 @ Minnesota 16 (+3) – I should’ve given the points.
Chicago 27 @ Detroit 37 (+3) – We didn’t need them.
Oakland 35 @ Miami 17 (-4) – Culpepper just won, baby. That sucks.
Houston 16 (-3) @ Atlanta 26 – The NFL ain’t that topsy-turvy.
Baltimore 13 @ Cleveland 27 (+4) – I don’t believe it; I blew (well, almost blew) an over/under.
St. Louis 7 @ Dallas 35 (-14) – Did Wiggy’s head blow up?
NY Jets 14 @ Buffalo 17 (+3.5) – Sanity returns to the AFC.
Tampa Bay 20 (+3) @ Carolina – It pays to take my over/unders.
Seattle 23 @ San Francisco 3 (+2.5) – The Fourtiners are officially a one-trick pony.
Pittsburgh 14 (-6.5) @ Arizona 21 – The bookies and the Cards sure took advantage of my mistake.
Kansas City 30 @ San Diego 16 (-12.5) – It didn’t matter, Duh Bolts had no passing defense.
Denver 20 (+10) @ Indianapolis 38 – It was a game until late.
Philadelphia 3 (-3) @ NY Giants 16 – Down goes McNabb! Down goes McNabb!
New England 34 @ Cincinnati 13 (+8) – Knees, meet lead pipe. Lead pipe, meet knees. Egg, meet X-ray machine.

Week 5 (5-8-1 ATS, 2-0 O/U)

Chicago 27 @ Green Bay 20 (-3.5) – No running game finally catches up to the Pack as Knock Knees Tony catches up to me.
Detroit 3 (+3.5) @ Washington 34 – And the reverse was sniffed out early and often.
Carolina 16 (+3.5) @ New Orleans 13 – Sanity returns to the NFC.
Jacksonville 17 (-2) @ Kansas City 7 – Good thing that cup was on.
Atlanta 13 (+8.5-WIN) @ Tennessee 20 – I knew the termites would get to that lumber.
Miami 19 @ Houston 22 (-6-LOSS) – You know you’re in trouble when your starting RB is Ron Dayne.
Seattle 0 (+6.5) @ Pittsburgh 21 – Najeh the Crapper got 2 TDs? What’s going on out there? At least there wasn’t enough scoring to threaten the under call.
Cleveland 17 @ New England 34 (-17-TIE) – The machines have called a truce.
Arizona 34 (-4-LOSS) @ St. Louis 31 – Make it one QB left in the desert.
New York Jets 24 "@" New York Giants 35 (-4) – Dead men tell no lies.
Tampa Bay 14 @ Indianapolis 33 (-10) – Once again, my over-unders are coming through.
San Diego 41 @ Denver 3 (+1) – Okay, who put the spark back in the Bolts?
Baltimore 9 (-3.5-LOSS) @ San Francisco 7 -Too bad the offensive woes continue for the OldBrowns.
Dallas 25 (-11-LOSS) @ Buffalo 24 – I blame Algore.

That leaves me at a bloody 28-42-6 against the spread, but a phenominal 9-0-1 against the over/unders.

I guess hiding in the belly of the gubmint beast kept me alive another week (it also had a very nice side benefit; meeting the way-out-of-my-league Mary Katharine Ham), but it kept me from figuring out just how many torpedo/shell/bomb holes the USS Egg has in it. No time for that now as we steam into the mine field known as Week 5, once again using the slightly-whacked Bodog.com lines via Vegas Insider:

Chicago @ Green Bay (-3.5) – Brian Urlacher nailed it – “We stink right now.”
Detroit (+3.5) @ Washington – Counter-contra stat of the day – Detroit is 0-17 in DC.
Carolina (+3.5) @ New Orleans – Deja vu all over again; the 1996 Aints started off 0-4.
Jacksonville (-2) @ Kansas City – Make sure that cup is on; this one’s going to hurt just watching it.
Atlanta (+8.5) @ Tennessee – Too much lumber, though the Tennesseeans aren’t missing the arcade one bit.
Miami @ Houston (-6) – 5, 6, it doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t take the Deadfins until the line moves into AC voltage territory.
Seattle (+6.5) @ Pittsburgh – The FAA has issued a severe turbulence advisory over Heinz Field for all the collisions that will take place. Take the under-41.
Cleveland @ New England (-17) – We all know what happened the third time Neo met Smith.
Arizona (-4) @ St. Louis – Two quarterbacks are better than none.
New York Jets “@” New York Giants (-4) – I also talked to Jimmy Hoffa this week, and he said take the G-men.
Tampa Bay @ Indianapolis (-10) – There’s no Cadillac, so jump on this gift from the bookies. To thank them by taking even more of their money, take the over-45.5.
San Diego @ Denver (+1) – This game’s in Denver, right? Shanahan has a piss-pot full of running backs, right? So why are the voltless Bolts favored?
Baltimore (-3.5) @ San Francisco – Nothing like fresh meat in at QB to cure defensive woes.
Dallas (-11) @ Buffalo – It’s not supposed to snow in Buffalo, and Leon Lett’s been retired for umpteen years.

I’ll catch up on Weeks 2 and 3 soon (hopefully before Thursday; I do believe I’m 6-0 in the over/under department), but onward, onward, ever onward to the poorhouse:

Green Bay @ Minnesota (+3) – Dunno why Bodog’s line is so far out of whack with everybody else (just about everybody else is favoring the Pack by 1 1/2 points), but if the Man wants to give me the long 3 to take the Viqueens, so be it. Just as long as I don’t have to take them to win outright,….
Chicago @ Detroit (+3) – As Jimmy “Masterlock” Duggans would say, BUT YOU’RE NOT GONNA NEED THEM!
Oakland @ Miami (-4) – Culpepper’s return to Miami won’t be a pleasant one in this Game of the Weak.
Houston (-3) @ Atlanta – The Texans? Favored on the road? And the Egg’s taking them? It truly is a topsy-turvy NFL.
Baltimore @ Cleveland (+4) – Topsy-Turvy NFL part 2 – take the NewBrowns and take the over-40.
St. Louis @ Dallas (-14) – Again, Bodog’s line is a bit higher than everybody else’s (all the other lines are at Dallas -13). It doesn’t matter; the Lambs can’t score, and the Cowpokes can’t be stopped. As a side bet, take Wiggy’s head to explode when he finds out I took Dallas and the lumber.
NY Jets @ Buffalo (+3.5) – Yesterday’s college action proved it’s the weekend for upsets. This one will take the cake as the MASH Unit proves once again it’s J-E-T-S S*CK! SU*K! SUC*!
Tampa Bay (+3) @ Carolina – It pays to check the injury report. Take the under-39.5 for some extra cash on Upset Weekend.
Seattle @ San Francisco (+2.5) – GORE! GORE! GORE!
Pittsburgh (-6.5) @ Arizona – Why there isn’t a “1” in front of that 6.5 is beyond me. What isn’t beyond me is taking full advantage of that mistake.
Kansas City @ San Diego (-12.5) – Unlike the Pack, the Chefs have no passing offense.
Denver (+10) @ Indianapolis – Denver isn’t good enough to win, but they’re good enough to make a game out of this.
Philadelphia (-3) @ NY Giants – Olberdouche will be happy.
New England @ Cincinnati (+8) – Irresitable force, meet immovable object. Immovable object, meet movement. Irresistable force, meet stoppage.

I’ll do a recap of Week 2 either tomorrow or Tuesday. Suffice it to say that Week 3 is Double Or Nothing Week.

San Diego @ Green Bay (+6.5) – I’m going for broke here. You may like the points, you may want the points, and reputable bookies will give you the points (though most of them are only going to give you 5.5 to 6), BUT YOU’RE NOT GONNA NEED THEM! The receiving band is back together.
Detroit (+5.5) @ Philadelphia – Taketh the over 44 as well.
Indianapolis (-7) @ Houston – The busy Texans’ trainer is your friend.
Minnesota (+3) @ Kansas City – The Chefs have no business being favored.
Buffalo @ New England (-17) – There is one reason and one reason only to lay the heavy lumber; Bills’ coach Dick Jauron.
Miami (+3) @ NY Jets – If you don’t know what I’m going to say here, you haven’t been paying attention.
San Francisco (+10) @ Pittsburgh – Too many points to give; there are 2 defenses on the field.
Arizona @ Baltimore (-7.5) – The only question here is whether the OldBrowns’ defense will score.
St. Louis @ Tampa Bay (-3.5) – The only feel I have for this one is the under 39.
Jacksonville @ Denver (-3.5) – Sooner or later, the Broncos will put up a crooked number in the tens column. It will be sooner.
Cincinnati @ Seattle (-3) – The BenGALS just are not a road team. The over/under of 49.5 scares me.
Cleveland (+3) @ Oakland – The name is Neo.
Carolina (-4.5) @ Atlanta – Joanie’s on his way out.
NY Giants @ Washington (-4) – How bad to the New York Football Giants suck? Does the fact I’m taking the Deadskins tell you anything?
Dallas @ Chicago (-3) – I’m glad it’s not 3 1/2.
Tennessee (+4) @ New Orleans – Back to the Aints.

Usually, I call them idiotorials. However, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel editorial board put one right between the numbers for 6 today:

It wasn’t quite the same old Brett Favre on Sunday. Many of his passes were considerably shorter than in years past. But the result was the same – a convincing Packers win on the road in East Rutherford, N.J.

And one of the best quarterbacks to ever play the game set another record.

Favre now holds the career mark for victories by a starting quarterback. It was his 149th win, putting him ahead of Denver Broncos Hall of Famer John Elway. Favre downplayed the significance of the record after the game, noting, “I didn’t do nothing last week, and they gave me the win.”

Well, yes. But how many times has Favre carried the Pack on his shoulders?

Next up for the Packers is one of the league’s most talented teams, the San Diego Chargers, who come to Lambeau Field Sunday. Next up for Favre is the career record for touchdown passes. He’s three shy of tying Dan Marino’s record of 420.

But no matter what happens this Sunday, or the rest of the season for that matter, these are days to savor.

Favre is a one-of-a-kind sports hero, an appealing combination of boyish charm, athletic prowess and hard-nosed grit. It is a rare privilege when a player like that plays for your team. Rarer still, to be able to cheer for him for so long. Sling a few more, Brett.

Just as long as he gets the 3 TDs before the 2 INTs.

If you also took the unders last week, you would’ve made money. Without them, you would’ve went a vig-losing 7-7-2. Since I’m just getting started, let’s roll with the first “real” week of the NFL betting season. As usual, the lines are from Bodog (via VegasInsider.com):

Green Bay @ NY Giants (-2.5) – Jump all over this one to give yourself solace on payday. RW McQuarters isn’t going to cough up punts, Eli Manning’s now a game-time decision and likely to play, and Donald Driver is still the entire Packers’ offense.
Buffalo @ Pittsburgh (-10) – Do not overestimate the power of positive news. The Bills are not a good team, while Blitzburgh is back to blitzing.
Cincinnati (-7.5) @ Cleveland – Welcome back to the NFL, Mr. Anderson.
Indianapolis (-7.5) @ Tennessee – I’m convinced that the Titans’ ground game was a fluke last week.
Houston (+7) @ Carolina – Too many points to give, even if Houston doesn’t have much of an offense.
San Francisco (+3) @ St. Louis – You may like/want/get the points, but you’re not gonna need them. GORE! GORE! GORE!
Atlanta (+10.5) @ Jacksonville – How are the Jags favored, much less favored by 10 1/2? Run, do not walk, to your nearest bookie and put the 401k on Hotlanta.
New Orleans (-4.5) @ Tampa Bay – For grins, take the over 41.5. If you’re daring, take the Saints to break that 41.5 on their own.
Minnesota (-3.5) @ Detroit – Take the defense. ‘Nuff said.
Kansas City @ Chicago (-13) – If the Texans could win by 17, so can Duh Bears. Take the under 34.5 as the Chefs aren’t scoring.
Dallas (-4) @ Miami – The Deadfins are dead.
Seattle (-3) @ Arizona – Odds of Matt Leinart not finishing this game; 4-1. TAKE IT!
NY Jets @ Baltimore (-10) – Ray Lewis could have no arms and I still would take the points.
Oakland @ Denver (-10) – Layeth the Rocky Mountain Lumber.
San Diego (+3.5) @ New England – Throw away them tapes, Pats. It’s a new coaching staff.
Washington @ Philadelphia (-7) – The Deadskin defense is just what a rusty McNabb needs.

We still have the Monday Night games are through the Monday Night games, but so let’s run back through the week that was. First things first, that was one hellova gift from the Eaglets; the Pack had no business being in that game offensively. The defense stepped up nicely, even though Wile E. Thompson’s Golden (Crutch) Boy, Justin Harrell, spent the day in street clothes. Special teams got REAL lucky they ran into a punt return team more inept than their own. Needless to say, I blew the call.

On to the rest of the NFL:
New Orleans 10 @ Indianapolis 41 (-6) – Saints ain’t ready for prime time.
Tennessee 13 @ Jacksonville 10 (-6.5) – That’ll learn me to trust the preseason.
Pittsburgh 34 @ Cleveland 7 (+5.5) – Meet the New NewBrowns. Same as the Old NewBrowns.
New England 38 (-6.5) @ NY Jets 14 – While malcontent + good O-line – 4th rounder = blowout is true, I still don’t think Moss was worth a 4th rounder (because the Packers put the “offensive” in O-line).
Atlanta 3 @ Minnesota 24 (-3) – I might have made a mistake in giving the Pack the season sweep.
Carolina 27 @ St. Louis 13 (-1.5) – Those that have Vernand Morency better pay attention to what happened to Steven Jackson.
Denver 15 (-3-LOSS) @ Buffalo 14 – Prayers for Kevin Everett, who suffered a cervical spine injury.
Kansas City 3 @ Houston 20 (-3) – I was right about taking the under 37.5.
Miami 13 @ Washington 16 (-3-TIE) – Yeah, this game was weak; it also was an overtime game, so I’m fortunate to not take a fat “L” on this one.
Chicago 3 (+6.5) @ San Diego 14 – I probably would’ve taken the under at 23 as well.
Tampa Bay 6 @ Seattle 20 (-6) – I’m glad the Pack doesn’t play the Seahags during the regular season; they’re specializing in taking out players.
Detroit 36 @ Oakland 21 (-2) – I should’ve stuck with the normalcy.
NY Giants 35 @ Dallas 45 (-6) – DOWN GOES MANNING! DOWN GOES MANNING! Fortunately, it wasn’t the Manning on my roster.
Baltimore 20 @ Cincinnati 27 (-3) – I told you to take the offense.
Arizona 17 @ San Francisco 20 (-3-TIE) – What the FUCK happened to Larry Fitzgerald? Did Larry Fine replace him? FUCK!

Since I took all the favorites to win in my no-spread confidence pool, that leaves me at 12-4 straight-up and 7-7-2 against the spread. Not too shabby for Weak 1, considering that is usually my Week of Doom.

Those performanes leave me at 3-1 so far in fantasy ball, but the team I’m losing to is out of players, and I still have 3 to go. That drink (I think I’ll make it an Uncle Jimbo Bacardi and Coke) is going to taste very good once I make up that 25 points.

DAMN! SHIT! FUCK! Where the hell did my receivers go? FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

Since I’m the eternal pessimist, I don’t want this one lost in the comments section of The Bar’s prediction thread:

Week 1 – vs Eagles – loss
Week 2 – at Giants – loss
Week 3 – vs Chargers – loss
Week 4 – at Viqueens – win
Week 5 – vs Duh Bears – loss
Week 6 – vs Deadskins – win
Week 7 – Bye
Week 8 – at Broncos – loss
Week 9 – at Chiefs – loss
Week 10 – vs Viqueens – win
Week 11 – vs Panthers – loss
Week 12 – at Lions – loss (because of the Turkey Day Curse)
Week 13 – at Cowpokes – loss
Week 14 – vs Duh Raiders – win
Week 15 – at Lambs – loss
Week 16 – at Duh Bears – loss
Week 17 – vs Lions – win

Final record – 5-11 (and I’m generous giving the sweep against Duh Viqueens)

As you noticed, unlike everybody that’s taken the winning-season Kool-Aid, I’m telling you which teams they will and will not beat.

Yes, the Brewers are back in a tie for first, but we’ve got NFL football. Get your phones out, call up Knock Knees Tony, and get your bets in. Here we go with a 16-0 start, with the lines from Bodog (or is that 0-16; I always suck Week 1 :-) –

New Orleans @ Indianapolis (-6) – There will be no letdown from the Super Bowl this week.
Tennessee @ Jacksonville (-6.5) – The Titans have no running back and no defense.
Pittsburgh @ Cleveland (+5.5) – Suckitude in mirror is closer than it appears, especially in a road division game.
Philadelphia (-3) @ Green Bay – Now starting at running back for the Pack – Edgar Bennett.
New England (-6.5) @ NY Jets – Until proven otherwise, it’s J-E-T-S S*CK! SU*K! SUC*!
Atlanta @ Minnesota (-3) – They’re already calling for Joanie Harrington’s head in Hotlanta.
Carolina @ St. Louis (-1.5) – When in doubt, Dome it.
Denver (-3) @ Buffalo – It doesn’t matter who runs for the Broncos; he will get 1,000 yards.
Kansas City @ Houston (-3) – Don’t ask me why the Texans are getting 3. Just know that this is a push game and make your bank on the under 37.5.
Miami @ Washington (-3) – The game of the weak.
Chicago (+6.5) @ San Diego – The under 43 is just screaming to be taken with two of the best defenses on the field and a new coach for the Bolts.
Tampa Bay @ Seattle (-6) – Give all you want, the Seahags will score more.
Detroit @ Oakland (-2) – Normally, I wouldn’t take Duh Raiders. However, you guys on the cold-and-snowy side of the pond know just how bad Duh Lions are.
NY Giants @ Dallas (-6) – The two biggest pass-catching threats for the G-men are banged up. Over/under on the number of Grammatica PAT misses – 1 (take the over).
Baltimore @ Cincinnati (-3) – This early, take the offense.
Arizona @ San Francisco (-3) – There is a reason why Alex Smith went #1 and Leinart slipped badly. Exploit it.

Walleye fishing is extremely good this year in Minnesota.

Lake Mille Lacs has been especially hot this year, with anglers catching their 4-fish limit within the lake’s slot limit.

Conservation officers say the fishing has been so good, one group of anglers was caught with 15 walleyes and that is way over the limit. Now those anglers face up to $1,200 in fines.

With any luck, uncle Steve is enjoying the same experience.

Gosh, I hope Steve’s trip is going well.

Revisions/extensions (steveegg – 6:32 pm 6/2/2007) – Yep, it went well. ‘Tis good that the Canucks don’t have Jim “Craps” Doyle’s (WEAC/Potawatomi-For Sale) DNR on their docks because we would have been launching daily. Oh, and here’s the embed…

I found a guy who Steve might want to seek fishing advice from this weekend.

Sorry that I couldn’t embed. WordPress still doesn’t like me.

Revisions/extensions (steveegg – 6:29 pm 6/2/2007) – Let’s try embedding again…

Brian Fraley says so; now you can too. After all, we’ve got part of County Stadium back in the Mercedes-Benz Field Haus.

Hey Monica Sitter, try and stop me from promoting this with the (not-yet-)official picture of the Bring Back the Barrel Campaign (notably missing, any disclaimer):