I’ve remained silent (at least here) throughout the 3+ weeks of the Tiger Woods saga. It’s not because it didn’t interest me, it did. Not in the “did you hear he’s started the back nine” kind of way but, in the “gee, with the image that he has and the size of the scandal, will Tiger be “Tiger” after all this is done?” It’s to that second point that I want to make my comments.
Tiger Woods announced today, that he will be leaving golf for an “indefinite” time. His statement said that he wanted to work on repairing his marriage and
being a better husband, father, and person.
I watch Tiger Woods play every chance I can. I fully appreciate and marvel at the skill he has to consistently make the shots and play at the level he does. One of the things that has fascinated me about Woods is his ability to mentally block all other things out of his thought or focus, except for the next shot. While many golfers let a bad shot on an early hole destroy their round (hello Phil Mickelson), Tiger is able to set that bad shot aside so that it is only “that shot” and does not impact any of the remaining shots in the round. He’s able to do the same thing with a bad lie. How many times has Tiger hit “that amazing shot?” Along with his skill, he hits them because of his ability to eliminate all other considerations (oh, maybe I should have used a longer iron) and focus on the successful delivery of the shot he has decided on. If I had to describe Tiger’s unique mental ability I’d say he is able to “compartmentalize” his strokes.
I’ve had several conversations with male friends regarding Tiger. In every conversation we eventually get to the point of discussing “What kind of a conscience do you have to serially cheat when you have a wife and two small children?” I’ve heard numerous reasons that I’m sure most of you have heard; “he has no conscience,” “his marriage is a sham,” “his ego,” “he’s famous,” etc. I’ve got a different theory; Tiger is able to compartmentalize.
We’re told that a person’s greatest strength is also their greatest weakness. I believe this is especially true for Tiger. While Tiger’s ability to compartmentalize his strokes gives him the gift of being the world’s greatest golfer, the same ability to compartmentalize is what I believe has done Tiger in in his personal life. I believe that while all of the other factors people offer play a role in Tiger’s failing, it is his ability to separate his rational thinking about his wife from that of the other women he has been with. His ability to compartmentalize is also how he is able to keep the guilt he feels (I have no doubt he has some) separated and controlled so that it doesn’t overtake him and keep him from cheating again. It’s this point in my theory that brings me to a cross roads of deciding whether Tiger will ever be “Tiger” again.
For Tiger to succeed at his marriage, he will have to learn how to uncompartmentalize his relationships. If he doesn’t, he will never develop the emotional tie with his wife that will cause him to give up philandering. If he does that, does that also mean that he will lose the ability to compartmentalize other issues? Will he still be able to separate himself mentally from a bad shot or maintain focus on a chosen shot and not allow other options to cloud his ability to execute his chosen shot?
While I don’t like this answer, I don’t think it will be possible for Tiger to save his marriage and maintain the skill level he has had in golf. If he is successful with his marriage and returns to golf, I believe the golf world will refer to Tiger as “remember when?” However, if he maintains his golf skill, I’m afraid that means he will not uncompartmentalize his personal life and that will mean the end of his marriage. I hope I’m wrong, I hope Tiger can do both. If not, I hope he chooses his marriage.
As I said earlier, Tiger announced that he will be leaving golf for an indeterminate time. In his announcement, he gave an apology for his actions:
“I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children,” Woods said. “I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I’ve done, but I want to do my best to try.”
I’ve always believed Tiger to be a quality individual. Obviously, the recent revelations shows my lack of ability to correctly judge people. Tiger’s apology is the kind of apology that we should see more often. Note that Tiger didn’t apologize “if you were offended.” Note also that he calls it what it is, “infidelity.” Finally, note that he doesn’t talk about his wife’s failings or the pressure of being on tour or any other nonsense. Tiger takes responsibility and takes blame for HIS actions and no one’s else. Tiger could teach a number of political figures how to write an apology.
Obviously writing an apology is easy. The hard part is showing that you actually mean it and that it is not just words provided by a quality publicist. The only way we will know whether Tiger actually feels remorse will be in watching his future actions. If Tiger works to approach his marriage with the same forthrightness that he has in his apology, we may be referring to Mr. and Mrs. Tiger Woods for a long time to come. I hope this time I’m right.
