The repository of one hard-boiled egg from the south suburbs of Milwaukee, Wisconsin (and the occassional guest-blogger). The ramblings within may or may not offend, shock and awe you, but they are what I (or my guest-bloggers) think.
But not just any weekend. It’s the last weekend before baseball, and the weather is typical Wisconsin. Good thing we have a dome.
The head barkeep over at the Wisconsin Sports Bar has a whole raft of pics from his tour of Miller Park to get you in the mood.
Blogging will be light until Tuesday, but I may still throw a few screwballs in the queue.
…because nobody took Kansas. They fell to UCLA, which is helping turn the Bouncing Mozzarella into a zombie bracket.
At least I got one prediction right, but I was too damn stupid to stick with it.
To keep youse suckers from overloading the poll on which #1 seed falls first based on the score of the game, that poll will close in about 20 minutes, and if Floriduh and North Carolina both survive, I’ll reopen it in the morning. Of course, nobody was confident enough to load the poll up against OverratedSU when they were down 20.
A couple of hints – Florida tips against Butler at 6:10 in the first game, while North Carolina tips against USC at about 9 in the last. Also, OverratedSU goes first tomorrow, when (hopefully) the Worst Station in the Nation™ finally no longer stretches its SuckyDef feed to cover for the fact that they’re too damn cheap to put its weak-sister station on its own digital frequency.
My NCAA bracket is as dead as Wisconsin and Marquette, so I no longer have a clue who is going to win. I’ve given up, so you guys can tell me which #1 seed is going out first. That poll will be open until the first #1 drops.
So what if we already had the play-i…er, “opening round” game, and Florida A&M is the first of 64 teams invited to the Big Dance to end their season with a loss. The NCAA tournament starts in, oh, about one and a half hours on CBS and DirecTV for those of you who depend on so it’s time to break out the marinara and start bouncing the mozzarella. These are the nose picks that will either win the WSB Tourney Pick’em ’07 (there’s still room and time) or drive me to the looney bin.
A couple of High Lifes, er, highlights:
– Your national champions – Georgetown
– The highest seed to go out in round 1 – Southern Illinois
– The first #1 out – Kansas (well, duh!)
– Number of times the East Coast Media Cabal stumbles over Bucky – 1,893,232
– This year’s Cinderella – Creighton
– The team to knock off OverratedSU – Tennessee
I will say Wisconsin got one hellofadraw, and Marquette got screwed.
Revised/extended 5:01 pm 2/16/2007 – The reasons just keep on growing.
Just in case you missed the reasons for my final break with Hen¢AR at TheWisconsinSportsBar, I’ll repeat it here:
Let’s review the tape, shall we…with some additional information found after reading Larry McReynolds (revised and updated 4:58 pm 2/16/2007)
- 2002 Coca-Cola 600 post-race inspection – The Roush Racing #6 Ford is caught 1/8th inch too low after Mark Martin won the race. Penalty – $50,000 fine to crew chief Ben Leslie. Also, then-NASCAR President Bill France announced a plan to start taking championship points away for future violations of NASCAR’s rulebook (in limited circumstances, involving the “big 3” violations of fuel/engine size and horsepower/tires found post-race, NASCAR had disqualified the team and taken away the points earned).
- 2002 Pepsi 400 (unknown when in the weekend this was discovered)- The Hendrick Motorsports #48 Chevrolet is the first team to have points taken away in the modern penalty era, losing 25 driver’s/owner’s points for being caught with offset mounts for the truck arms (part of the rear suspension). Crew chief Chad Knaus also lost $25,000 in a fine.
- 2002 New England 300 post-race inspection – The Robert Yates Racing #88 Ford is caught 1/8th inch too low after Dale Jarrett finished 3rd in the race. Penalty – 25 driver’s/owner’s points and $20,000 fine to crew chief Todd Parrott.
- 2005 UAW-Ford 500 (fall Talledega race) post-qualifying inspection – The Richard Childress Racing #29 Chevrolet is caught with several unapproved changes relating to airflow in and around the trunk area. Penalty – disallowal of the qualifying time, $10,000 fine to crew chief Todd Berrier, 2-race suspension for Berrier, zero driver’s/owner’s points taken away.
- 2006 Daytona 500 post-qualifying inspection – The Hendrick Motorsports #48 Chevrolet is caught with a trick rear window designed to give an aerodynamic advantage. Penalty – disallowal of the qualifying time, $25,000 fine to Knaus, 4-race suspension for Knaus, zero driver’s/owner’s points taken away from either Jimmie Johnson or owner Jeff Gordon.
- 2006 Daytona 500 post-qualifying inspection – The Hall of Fame Racing #96 Chevrolet is caught with an illegal manifold. Penalty – disallowal of the qualifying time, $25,000 fine to crew chief Phillipe Lopez, 4-race suspension for Lopez, and 25 driver’s/owner’s points taken away (important because it was a new-for-2006 team). Note; discussions of an alliance between HOF Racing and Hendrick Motorsports had fallen through, and HOF Racing just signed an alliance with Joe Gibbs Racing.
- 2007 Daytona 500 post-qualifying inspection – The Roush Racing #17 Ford and all three Evernham Racing Dodges are caught with insufficiently-covered holes in the rear wheel wells normally used for the oil cooler. The #17 and #9 suffer the biggest penalties – qualifying times disallowed, $50,000 fines and 4-race suspensions for the crew chiefs, and the loss of 50 driver’s/owner’s points for each driver/team. The #10 and #19 crew chiefs were each suspended 2 races and fined $25,000, with the drivers and owner losing 25 points on each team. As a side note, Ray Evernham, the owner of Evernham Racing, used to be the crew chief on the Hendrick Motorsports #24 Chevrolet before he left to be one of the founding teams for Dodge.
- 2007 Daytona 500 pre- and post-qualifying inspection – The Michael Waltrip Racing #55 Toyota is caught with what turns out to be jet fuel in the intake manifolds. After the removal of the first intake manifold, Mikey was allowed to qualify, but the same substance appeared after qualifying. Perhaps because Toyota is pumping a LOT of money into Hen ¢AR, the penalty isn’t as severe as it could be; the disallowal of the qualifying time (important because the team was not in the top 35 in owners’ points at the end of 2005), the loss of 100 driver’s/owner’s points, a $100,000 fine for the crew chief, the indefinite suspension of the crew chief and team director, and the seizure of the car. Mikey did ultimately race his way into the Daytona 500.
- 2007 Gatorade Duel 2 post-race inspection – The Hendrick Motorsports #24 Chevrolet is found to be 1 inch too low after Jeff Gordon won the 2nd Duel. The only penalty – move the #24 from 4th in the grid for the Daytona 500 to 42nd. Jeffy still gets to keep the win, and there will be no points deduction or fines assessed.
See you at the few short tracks remaining in Wisconsin. To hell with Hen ¢AR!
Good luck to Matt; he’ll need it now that the official Hen¢AR team for 2007 has been annointed. I wonder what Hen¢AR will do if he manages to take the 2007 title from poor little Jeffy, Jimmie, and the almost-official Stewie (Jr’s too outspoken to ever be fully-embraced by Brainless France).
First, the good news. Despite not getting any help from Duh Deadskins, Duh Viqueens, Duh Deadfins, and a few other teams and getting eliminated from the playoffs, the Packers came to play and crushed Chicago 26-7 to finish 8-8. That’s 6 more wins than I had them figured for.
The bad. Listening to the postgame interview, it’s almost certain Brett Favre has just played his last game. Other than winning the Super Bowl, he couldn’t ask for a much better way to go out – beat the Bears, have a decent game of 21-42 for 285 yards, a touchdown and a pick the receiver gave up on.
Thanks for the memories, Brett.
Revised and extended 6:58 am 12/26 after the Jets put the dagger into the Deadfins.
Well, we’re almost done with Week 16 and the Packers are still alive in the playoff hunt. Here is every scenario that would get the Packers into the playoffs:
– If the Packers beat Duh Bears on Sunday (it probably will be the NBC Sunday Night game), one of the following must happen:
– If the Packers tie Duh Bears, the Giants must lose to Washington and one of the following must happen:
If the Packers lose to Duh Bears, fuggettaboudit. They’re as dead as the Spiraling Colby.
This has been supplanted by the Christmas edition. A fixed pre-Christmas edition is still at TheWisconsinSportsBar.
Buried at the end of this Milwaukee Journal Sentinel article is this little gem:
Charter Communications was diligently trying to broadcast the game as part of its cable package and thought it was a done deal until Tuesday, when it received a letter from CBS Corp., owner of the Green Bay station airing the game. CBS said it didn’t have the necessary copyright clearance from the NFL Network to allow Charter to carry the game in the Antigo, Wausau, Stevens Point and Wisconsin Rapids areas, which get the Green Bay CBS station as part of their cable package. (emphasis added)
Let me get this right. Because those cities aren’t “close enough” to Green Bay for the NFL’s taste, they get fucked? Bull-fucking-shit! Let’s review the distances involved as the signal flies, and remember that Charter plucks these signals off the air:
Antigo to Green Bay – 70 miles
Wausau to Green Bay – 86 miles
Stevens Point to Green Bay – 76 miles
Wisconsin Rapids to Green Bay – 90 miles
Granted, they’re on the fringes of the signal from Green Bay for the average person, but Charter manages to pull them off the air with no problem. Let’s take a look at a pair of telling paragraphs from a story on the Green Bay CBS affiliate’s site:
“You could obviously do that, and you could put it on free television,” said (NFL Commissioner Roger) Goodell, who spoke to reporters at Lambeau Field before the Vikings-Packers game. “But then, how do you ever get the distribution?”
Goodell denied the league was using a high-profile game broadcast — it could be Brett Favre’s last appearance at Lambeau — as a bargaining chip to put public pressure on cable television operators to carry the channel.
What a bunch of fucking bullshit. The league is using high-profile game broadcasts, namely divison rivalries, to put public pressure on cable television operators to cough up $9/subscriber/year to put 8 NFL games and 2 college bowl games on a full basic cable, the asshat commish admits it, and then has the balls to deny he just admitted it.
– Speaker-to-be Nancy Pelosi is appeasing the moonbat wing of her party by attempting to install John “Cut-and-Run” Murtha as House Majority Leader. I hope you in the middling are paying attention; the Dem “moderates” you elected turned the House much further to the left than you hoped.
– A ChiCom sub popped up within 5 miles of the aircraft carrier USS Kitty Hawk during exercises. While Bill Gertz is trying to claim that it shadowed the battle group, I believe it more likely that the PLAN knew where they would be, had the sub go there ahead of the group and just wait. A diesel-electric sub is nigh impossible to detect on passive sonar when it is making bare steerage. In either case, it’s quite disturbing.
– Russ Feingold announced that, contrary to plans, he won’t be seeking the Democrat nomination for President. While the local newspaper fishwrap bird cage liner paint catcher is deeply saddened, Hillary finds the road open with one less person to take to Fort Marcy Park. Al Qaeda’s favorite Senator, however, will be refocused on the Senate, at least until Clinton asks him to be the VP nominee.
– Good news/bad news on the college football front (more-fully covered at TheWisconsinSportsBar) – Wisconsin moves up to #9 in the latest BCS rankings to become BCS bowl-eligible, but we discover that the BCS bowls can’t take 3 teams from the Big 10. My answer; crush ’em, Ohio State, as the Rose Bowl (which will have the pick of the litter) is expected to take a Big 10 team to replace the Big 10 champ/BCS #1 and Michigan has gone to the Roses more recently than the Badgers, who have gone more-recently than the Buckeyes.
– Speaking of bad news, it’s all over in Hen¢AR. Jimmie Johnson took 2nd at Phoenix to take an almost-insurmountable 63-point lead over Matt Kenseth. They’re cheering in Daytona as they won’t have to alter either the Chase or the points as a whole next year.
– Crow time; after only 9 games, the Packers have matched their win total from last year. Even more shocking, they got win #4 against a team that many people (not me though) considered a challenger to the Bears, and who already got 4 wins.
No time to recap, no time for witty comebacks. Just your winners against the spread as we go back to a full slate:
Green Bay (+5) @ Minnesota
San Francisco (+6.5) @ Detroit
Kansas City (+1) @ Miami
Houston @ Jacksonville (-10.5)
San Diego (-1) @ Cincinnati – throw in under-48.5
Cleveland @ Atlanta (-8.5)
Baltimore (-7.5) @ Tennessee
Buffalo (+13) @ Indianapolis
Washington @ Philadelphia (-8)
NY Jets @ New England (-10.5)
Denver (-9) @ Oakland – go over 33.5
New Orleans (+6) @ Pittsburgh
St Louis (+3) @ Seattle
Dallas (-7) @ Arizona
Chicago (+1) @ NY Giants
Tampa Bay @ Carolina (-10)
Been busy prepping for a move in the middle of next week (well, that’s when the final piece rolls into the new place in the form of a new bed), so I haven’t been able to post the recaps. Oh well, at least I’ve got the Net back in time to give you some things to think about for this week of football…
Green Bay (+3.5) @ Buffalo – That extra half point is too much to pass up. There will be no blocking for Green, who will have essentially no breathers.
Miami @ Chicago (-14) – Let me put it this way; it’s not in Miami and it’s not on Monday Night. The ghosts of the ’72 Dolphins will have to find another way to stop the Bears. Go over the 37.5 for extra money.
Atlanta (-6) @ Detroit – No pass rush = another huge game for Ron Mexico.
Kansas City (+3) @ St Louis – The Chefs get no respect. Take full advantage of this lead pipe.
Cincinnati @ Baltimore (-3) – Who knew that Brian Billick was an offensive genius? This spells doom for the BenGALS and the rest of the AFC.
Houston @ NY Giants (-13.5) – Strahan will become the Giants’ all-time sack leader in the first Texans possession, and that will lead to a G-men TD.
Tennessee (+10) @ Jacksonville – The storylines are a QB controversy for the Jags and a real jag getting a suspension for the Tennesseans.
Dallas (-3) @ Washington – Running a MASH unit is a sure way to pile up losses in the NFL. The Deadskins sure could use Tony Stewart, but he’d have to play the line.
New Orleans (-1) @ Tampa Bay – This will be the game that Reggie Bush goes over 100 yards on the ground.
Minnesota @ San Francisco (+5.5) – See the Deadskins.
Cleveland @ San Diego (-13) – Time for the Bolts to come up with a few stonings.
Denver (+2.5) @ Pittsburgh – I don’t want whatever the joker who installed the Stillers as favorites smoked and drank. Neither Big Ben nor Charlie Freaking Batch are fit to tie Peyton Manning’s cleats.
Indianapolis @ New England (-3) – NBC really lucked out in the last week before they can start raiding Fox and CBS. This here is the game of the year.
Oakland (+7.5) @ Seattle – You may like the points, you may want the points, and if you gamble either legally or with a reputable bookie, you’ll get the points, but you’re not gonna need them. Who needs an offense when you have a play-breaking defense?
Revisions/extensions (9:33 am 10/29/2006) – Somehow forgot the G-men line and the Jets/NewBrowns game. Also, Blogger’s fragging up again, so this may or may not show up at TheWisconsinSportsBar.
It’s been an ugly 7 weeks as I fell 7 games under .500. I was just softening up the man for the 13-week explosion starting now….
Arizona @ Green Bay (-4) – The Drive to #1 gets the fork stuck in it this weekend. Duh Deadbirds have not won in Wisconsin since before they left Chitcago.
San Francisco @ Chicago (-16) – Duh Bears thrive on turnovers. Duh Whiners give them very freely. Stay under the 42.
Houston @ Tennessee (-3) – The Texans had their Super Bowl last week. It’s time for the inevitable letdown, so break out the lead pipe cinch.
Jacksonville @ Philadelphia (-7.5) – The Jags got exposed last week.
Atlanta @ Cincinnati (-3.5) – This is starting to get to be a trend.
Tampa Bay @ NY Giants (-9) – It IS your friend.
Seattle (+6.5) @ Kansas City – This will be a game of field-goals, as there won’t be a starting QB, just 1/8th-backs. Note; this game is currently off the board at bodog.com.
Baltimore @ New Orleans (-2) – LPC #2 – Vegas should have stuck a 1 in front of this line.
St Louis (+9) @ San Diego – Why is this line at 9 when no Lamb game has been decided by 9 or more?
Pittsburgh (-10) @ Oakland – Layeth the lumber, as the Stillers won’t need an Immaculate Reception to crush Duh Raiders. Bonus play – go over the 38.5 as the Stillers will do that by themselves.
Indianapolis (+2.5) @ Denver – Irresistable force moves immovable object.
Dallas @ Carolina (-6) – Who’s the 3rd-string in Big D? Expect Cowpoke fans to be asking for him by the end of the third quarter.
New England (-2.5) @ Minnesota – What’s more annoying; Joe Theesman or that horn at the Rollerdome?
I knew there was more than one lead pipe in the system; 7-6 still leaves me at 44-51-5 though:
Green Bay 34 (+5) @ Miami 24 – Look for the eternal optimists to point out incessantly that E. Michael McCan’thy has the same record in Miami that St. Vince does.
Detroit 24 (+4) @ NY Jets 31 – Who sucks more than the Jets? Duh Lions.
San Diego 27 (-6) @ Kansas City 30 – Ow, my knee!
Jacksonville 7 (-10) @ Houston 27 – Did they switch uniforms, or do we file this under “Any Given Sunday”?
New England 28 (-6.5) @ Buffalo 6 – Ched said this was the lead pipe cinch.
Pittsburgh 38 (-3) @ Atlanta 41 – Unfortunately, it was the Stiller team with no running game and a fragile Big Ben.
Philadelphia 21 (-6.5) @ Tampa Bay 23 – Nothing like a journeyman kicker drilling a 62-yarder to really ruin your day.
Carolina 14 (+3.5-WIN) @ Cincinnati 17 – Those half-points are real nice
Denver 17 (-5.5) @ Cleveland 7 – Hear me now and believe me later; that Pony defense is real.
Washington 22 @ Indianapolis 36 (-9) – Told you it was a 1-sided track meet.
Minnesota 31 (+7) @ Seattle 13 – Seneca Wallace is no quarterback.
Arizona 9 (-3) @ Oakland 22 – The St. Louis Cardinals could beat the Arizona Deadbirds…in football no less.
NY Giants 36 (+3.5) @ Dallas 22 – The chants started early, and the benching happened at the half. It didn’t help.
Displaced ched head has one lead pipe cinch already up. Let’s see if I can’t mine a few more –
Green Bay (+5) @ Miami – The most-notable news of the week has been the upholding and ensuing beginning of Koren Robinson’s 1-year suspension and the signing of Rick Mexico (Marcus Vick) by Duh Deadfins
Detroit (+4) @ NY Jets – This game-of-the-weak isn’t a lead-pipe cinch either. On one side, you have a team that hasn’t won consecutive home games since December 2004 (they won at home last week). On the other, you have a team with a 5-38 road record since the 2001 season began.
San Diego (-6) @ Kansas City – Take the short six and have LT whack your man in the knees with this lead pipe.
Jacksonville (-10) @ Houston – The game is currently off the board because of Byron Leftwich’s ankle (questionable). No matter; the Texans have no defense.
New England (-6.5) @ Buffalo – What ched said.
Pittsburgh (-3) @ Atlanta – Which Stiller team will show up this week?
Philadelphia (-6.5) @ Tampa Bay – Sooner or later, the NFL season will catch up with the rookies. For Gradowski, it’s this week.
Carolina (+3.5) @ Cincinnati – Mistake #3 in the line this week. What should be on the mirrors in the BenGALS’ locker room – Sucktitude is closer than it appears.
Denver (-5.5) @ Cleveland – Go under the 32.5 as Denver keeps its allow-a-TD-or-less streak alive.
Washington @ Indianapolis (-9) – Take the over-48 in this one-sided track meet.
Minnesota (+7) @ Seattle – If we tell you the name of the game, boy, we call it riding the defense train.
Arizona (-3) @ Oakland – How do you spell relief? R-A-I-D-E-R-S
NY Giants (+3.5) @ Dallas – Over/under on chants to bench Bedsore – 3:30 left in the first half.
Bad things come in 3s, as in 3-10 last week. That puts me 6-feet-under at 37-45-5.
Buffalo 17 @ Detroit 20 (+2) – Turnover, turnover, turnover.
Cincinnati 13 (-5.5) @ Tampa Bay 14 – I should’ve stuck with the loss-before-the-bye method
Tennessee 25 @ Washington 22 (-11) – They only needed the running skills.
Houston 6 (+13.5) @ Dallas 34 – Where, oh where, did the Texans’ offense go? Where, oh where could it be?
Seattle 30 @ St Louis 20 (+3) – Well, we know the Lambs aren’t real.
NY Giants 27 @ Atlanta 14 (-3) – Shockey set me up the bomb.
Philadelphia 24 (-3.5) @ New Orleans 27 – Are the Aints real? Sure looks like it.
Carolina 23 (+3) @ Baltimore 21 – Line for Steve Smith – 8 receptions, 189 yards, 1 touchdown Glad I picked something right.
Miami 17 (+3) @ NY Jets 20 – Lamar Alexander and the ‘Canes want a piece of this team. You’ll hear, “We want Lemon” about 12:30.
San Diego 48 (-10) @ San Francisco 19 – You could’ve given your man 28.5 and still made out like a bandit.
Kansas City 7 (+7) @ Pittsburgh 45 – Damn, but that defense melted.
Oakland 3 @ Denver 13 (-14.5-LOSS) – At least NBC is still wondering why they can’t raid a game every week.
Chicago 24 (-11.5-LOSS) @ Arizona 23 – They don’t teach math at USC, and Denny Green is the biggest choke artist this side of Buffalo.
Just been out of it the last couple days with an ugly cold. Oh well; time to catch up:
I honestly don’t know who’s dumber; Wile E. Thompson knowing that Robinson would be suspended for a year when he picked him up September 12, or Brett Favre for sticking up for Robinson. Earth to Favre; Robinson has been nothing but trouble since college.
Durn “global warming”; that 10 consecutive below-average days that it caused has me hunting for the chicken noodle soup.
We just found out how bad odd weeks are. Let’s forget that and recall the good times on even weeks, as this is one of those. It will be a bit harder to gamble online this weekend, because there’s a fresh new law prohibiting your bank from making money transfers with offshore gaming havens (“thanks”, Bill “Cave Jr” Frist, for squeezing that into the port security bill; we’ll remember in ’08 when you try to run for President), but once again, the lines come to us from bodog.com –
Buffalo @ Detroit (+2) – You may like the points, you may want the points, you will get the points from a reputable bookie, but you’re not gonna need them. The Bills are making un-fixable mistakes.
Cincinnati (-5.5) @ Tampa Bay – I know the record of teams coming off the bye with a loss going into it isn’t good, but Duh Bucs are worse.
Tennessee @ Washington (-11) – I know what happened last weekend. The Tennesseeans don’t have the passing skills to pull it off 2 weeks in a row.
Houston (+13.5) @ Dallas – This has most of the makings of a shootout. Take the over-44.
Seattle @ St Louis (+3) – The Seahags are not a road team, and are even less of a team without Shaun Alexander and Bobby Engram.
NY Giants @ Atlanta (-3) – Home Sweet Dome.
Philadelphia (-3.5) @ New Orleans – The Saints cannot stop the pass.
Carolina (+3) @ Baltimore – Steve Smith will finally break out in this otherwise-defensive struggle.
Miami (+3) @ NY Jets – I’m going with my fallback position here.
San Diego (-10) @ San Francisco – No contest. Give some cracktion to your man for extra cash (I figure giving him 20 and the Whiners should be safe).
Kansas City (+7) @ Pittsburgh – Too many points to give, especially with the Chefs defense. Go under-37.
Oakland @ Denver (-14.5) – For the life of me, I can’t figure out why you’re giving so few points to take the ponies. NBC is wondering when they can start raiding games from Fox and CBS.
Chicago (-11.5) @ Arizona – Do the math … One killer defense + rookie quarterback = massacre
Despite going 13-1 straight-up (damn Bledsoe), I only went 5-6-3 against the line to dip back below .500 (34-35-5) How did I blow it so bad? Let’s find out…
St. Louis 23 (-3-TIE) @ Green Bay 20 – There’s enough people to blame for this one. I blame them all.
Buffalo 7 @ Chicago 40 (-10) – As long as Grossman’s stinky fingers stay unbroken, look out NFL.
Detroit 17 (+7) @ Minnesota 26 – At least I told you to take the over.
Tennessee 13 @ Indianapolis 14 (-18.5-LOSS) – Call me a fool for trying to lay the lumber. Guess it was the running back.
Washington 3 @ NY Giants 19 (-5) – The G-men are the second tier of the NFC
Tampa Bay 21 @ New Orleans 24 (-7-LOSS) – Why don’t rookies get double-points on their first TD?
Miami 10 @ New England 20 (-10-TIE) – Joanie almost came all the way through for me, but at least I went 2-0 on my over/under specials.
Cleveland 12 @ Carolina 20 (-8-TIE) – What’s with all the pushes last weekend?
NY Jets 0 @ Jacksonville 41 (-7) – Repeating, J-E-T-S S*CK! SU*K! SUC*!
Kansas City 23 (-3.5-LOSS) @ Arizona 20 – Durn half-point.
Oakland 20 @ San Francisco 34 (-3.5) – If Duh Raiders couldn’t win last weekend, they won’t win this season. Bad news for the Drive to #1.
Dallas 24 (+2) @ Philadelphia 38 – That was bad fried rice.
Pittsburgh 13 (+3.5) @ San Diego 23 – I got smashed on this one.
Baltimore 3 @ Denver 13 (-4) – Hooray Rain!
I don’t have the fancy studio that Bob and Brian do, but we’ll roll with it anyway.
Like sands through the hourglass, so go the days in Green Bay. And thus we bring you All My Packers, The Next Generation.
Well, since we last looked into the goings-on in The Frozen Tundra, we’ve had a Super Bowl ring, a second trip to the Super Bowl, three head coaches, and two general managers. Now, we’re back to where we first started, with a rookie head coach on pace to becoming the worst since the last McCoach, a pure idiot of a GM who wants to make Forrest Gregg look good, more injuries than you can shake a roll of tape at, and a running back that looks to be the second coming of Brent Fullwood. Let’s listen in as GM Ted Thompson sits in his office.
Thompson – “Wile E., you’re such a genius. Waiting until after the 4th game to get rid of Ahmad Carroll to make yourself look good compared to that schmuk Shermoron was brilliance, sheer brilliance.”
(RRIIINNNGGG)
“Hello, Wile E. Thompson, super genius speaking. Oh, hi Commish. What do you mean Koren’s appealing? Oh well, back to the ole’ drawing board.”
Tune in next time, when we hear Vernand Morency and Brett Favre do a duet, “It just slipped out of my hands.” Next time, on All My Packers, The Next Generation.
Okay, so I essentially missed the Packer game; I was busy watching ‘Dega and the teams laughing at Hen¢AR’s attempt to keep the speeds under 200 mph (I counted at least 20 teams turning at least 1 lap above that mark), so my recollections will be on the few plays I saw and on the NFL.com’s GameCenter play-by-play. Some randomized thoughts:
I’m busy working on my voices to bring back the Bob and Brian classic. If the boys don’t bring it back by Wednesday, I will.
Now how did I go 8-5-1? Let’s review:
Indianapolis 31 (-9-LOSS) @ NY Jets 28 – At least I told you to take the over.
San Diego 13 (-1.5) @ Baltimore 16 – The only thing colder than revenge was my prediction on this game
Minnesota 12 (+1) @ Buffalo 17 – I need to stop calling the barking dog.
Dallas 45 (-10) @ Tennessee 14 – Finally, a win. The Tennesseans couldn’t stop a 2-year-old.
San Francisco 0 @ Kansas City 41 (-7) – I’ll take it well-done.
New Orleans 18 (+7-WIN) @ Carolina 21 – All the preps that North Carolina made for hurricane season paid off.
Arizona 10 @ Atlanta 32 (-7.5) – Time to go Chrismas shopping.
Miami 15 (-4) @ Houston 17 – Miami is lobbying the NFL to let the Canes play instead of the Deadfins.
Detroit 34 @ St Louis 41 (-6) – Good news in Detroit; the Lions have an offense. Bad news, they have no defense.
New England 38 @ Cincinnati 13 (-6) – Come on, say it with me – B-E-N GALS! F***ING SUCK!
Jacksonville 30 @ Washington 36 (+3) – It may have been a bit later than I thought, but I told you to call me a winner.
Cleveland 24 (-3-TIE) @ Oakland 21 – Betting is just like baseball under Pope Bud I, sometimes there IS tying.
Seattle 6 @ Chicago 37 (-3.5) – The new front-runner for the NFC Super Bowl Sacrificial Lambs – DaBears.
Green Bay 9 @ Philadelphia 31 (-11) – That -22 would’ve been a push.
I’ll have Week 4’s recap up shortly (went 8-5-1 to go up to 29-29-2 on the season). It’s an odd week, so you know what to do with these nose-picks (I’ll deny you ever existed if Tony decides to collect in body parts on Tuesday) –
St. Louis (-3) @ Green Bay – The McCoaches don’t have a stellar record up here (a combined 2-13-1). This one will last no longer than the last one (1 season).
Buffalo @ Chicago (-10) – The only hope for Duh Bills is that the Bears are looking ahead to the playoffs.
Detroit (+7) @ Minnesota – You read that right; you’re getting the fat touchdown to take Duh Lions. Gleefully take the points, the over-41, and run because this will be a track meet.
Tennessee @ Indianapolis (-18.5) – It’s been so long since lumber this big has shown up in the NFL, you’d be a fool to not lay it.
Washington @ NY Giants (-5) – The G-men are not the J-E-T-S S*CK! SU*K! SUC*!
Tampa Bay @ New Orleans (-7) – Sweet Dome Louisiana. Where skies are so blue, and the governor too. Sweet Dome Louisiana. Blood I ain’t coming home to you.
Miami @ New England (-10) – Slim pickings for QB for the Deadfins – an injured Culpepper, Joanie Harrington, and (I’m not making this up) a Lemon. Go under the 37.
Cleveland @ Carolina (-8) – Normally I wouldn’t lay this many points in an NFC/AFC matchup. However, the NewBrowns are THAT bad.
NY Jets @ Jacksonville (-7) – I already did the Jets chant above.
Kansas City (-3.5) @ Arizona – Anybody notice a trend here? It IS your friend.
Oakland @ San Francisco (-3.5) – FrankGore could put the ball on the ground 5 times and the Whiners would still cover.
Dallas (+2) @ Philadelphia – Either that’s a gut feeling or some bad fried rice.
Pittsburgh (+3.5) @ San Diego – Smash-mouth football at its finest.
Baltimore @ Denver (-4) – It’s all about the altitude.
First, the Packers:
Next, the Eaglets:
Finally, the MNF crew – It’s official, you suck! Bring back Mike Patrick and Uncle Paulie Maguire.
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