My joints are healed up after a disastrous 2008 and a meeting with Vito the Pipelayer. I can smell fall in the air, the first tree near the bunker is turning colors, and we’ve got the king of sports starting up tonight. As always, the lines come from Bodog, the nose picks are against the spread, and if you decide to bet using them, the management of No Runny Eggs cannot be held responsible for any legal, illegal or medical bills incurred.
Tennessee @ Pittsburgh (-6.5) – This is oddly reminiscent of when the Tennesseans were in Houston and known as the Oilers. If only this were in January in the snow, it would be a perfect game.
Chicago @ Green Bay (-3.5) – Meet the new boss; same as the old boss. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why the over/under is 46, so run, don’t walk to your local bookie and limbo the under.
Minnesota (-4.5) @ Cleveland – It’s going to be easy pickings for the Vikings’ defense (side note; I’m trying to not drive away the Minnesota readership this year, at least before Week 4).
Detroit @ New Orleans (-13.5) – Let there be lumber!
Miami @ Atlanta (-4) – Now that we’ve had the Wildcat for a full season, it can be stopped. Without that, the Dolphins are nothing.
Kansas City (+13) @ Baltimore – I know the Chefs are on the menu, but I am not at all convinced that the OldBrowns can score.
Philadelphia @ Carolina (+2.5) – It’s the case of the resistable force (Eagles with a 1-3 road opener record in the last 4 years) meeting the movable object (Panthers with a 1-4 home opener record over the last 5 years).
Denver @ Cincinnati (-4) – This is the Game of the Weak. My sympathies if you are forced to watch this one.
New York Jets (+5) @ Houston – If you had a 401(k) left, I’d recommend raiding it for this barking dog. Having a mobile MASH unit going into Week 1 like the Texans have is hazardous to a team’s season.
Jacksonville (+7) @ Indianapolis – There is one certainty about this rivalry; the game will be closer than it appears in the mirror.
Dallas (-6) @ Tampa Bay – The only thing I can figure is the bookies flip-flopped the over/under with the Packer/Bear game. Take the over-39 and RUN like Marion Barber.
San Francisco @ Arizona (-6) – All Gore and no passing makes the Niners very beatable.
Washington @ New York Giants (-6.5) – I wonder if Eli Manning will use the shotgun.
St. Louis (+8.5) @ Seattle – I know a few college teams that could probably beat what either of these teams will be trotting out of the trainers’ room.
Buffalo @ New England (-11) – History will be made as the Bills will become the first team to lose 12 straight to one opponent.
San Diego (-9) @ Oakland – For extra cash, take LT -9 against the Raiders.
Revisions/extensions (5:18 pm 9/10/2009) – If you’re a wimp and simply want the winners, head on down to Ick’s Corner for them, and to enter Ick’s straight-up contest.