Knock Knees Tony found me, and in lieu of destroying my knuckles, he’s making me recap the month from Hell and give you the rest of the year for free:
Week 2 (5-11 ATS, 2-0 O/U)
Green Bay 35 @ NY Giants (-2.5) – I got my solace on game-day instead.
Buffalo 3 @ Pittsburgh 26 (-10) – Stat of the day – third/fourth-down efficiency – Pittsburgh 11-16, Buffalo 5-16.
Cincinnati 45 (-7.5) @ Cleveland 51 – The name is Neo.
Indianapolis 22 (-7.5-LOSS) @ Tennessee 20 – Fluke? Guess not. 141 yards on 34 carries isn’t flukish.
Houston 34 (+7) @ Carolina 21 – Ahman Green lasted just long enough.
San Francisco 17 (+3) @ St. Louis 16 – I can’t say enough about Frank “Don’t call me Al” Gore.
Atlanta 7 (+10.5-WIN) @ Jacksonville 13 – Did you put your 401k on Hotlanta? Good.
New Orleans 14 (-4.5) @ Tampa Bay 31 – Hope you were in a laughing instead of a daring mood.
Minnesota 17 (-3.5) @ Detroit 20 – Damned OT.
Kansas City 10 @ Chicago 20 (-13-LOSS) – If you can dodge a lead pipe, you can dodge a ball – THUNK! At least I told you to take the under
Dallas 37 (-4) @ Miami 20 – Repeating, the Deadfins are dead.
Seattle 20 (-3) @ Arizona 23 – I told you to take Leinart to not finish the game.
NY Jets 13 @ Baltimore 20 (-10-LOSS) – Now, I’m the one with no arms.
Oakland 20 @ Denver 23 (-10-LOSS) – The Rocky Mountain Lumber layeth me low. Once again, damned OT.
San Diego 14 (+3.5) @ New England 38 – Drop the “RV” and you get “NOOOOOOO!!!!!”
Washington 20 @ Philadelphia 12 (-7) – No oil for McNabb or me.
Week 3 (6-7-3 ATS, 2-0 O/U)
San Diego 24 @ Green Bay 31 (+6.5) – And I ain’t broke.
Detroit 21 (+5.5) @ Philadelphia 56 – As long as you took the over, you’re good to go.
Indianapolis 30 (-7-LOSS) @ Houston 24 – Sammy the Bull isn’t my friend.
Minnesota 10 (+3-TIE) @ Kansas City 13 – It’s topsy-turvy in the NFL.
Buffalo 7 @ New England 38 (-17) – I would like to thank Dick Jauron for my new house.
Miami 28 (+3-TIE) @ NY Jets 31 – Sheer luck on the part of the Jets.
San Francisco 16 (+10) @ Pittsburgh 37 – Only one of those defenses showed up, and boy did they show up.
Arizona 23 @ Baltimore 26 (-7.5-LOSS) – Had the OldBrowns defense scored, I would have been happy. Instead, it’s mac and cheese.
St. Louis 3 @ Tampa Bay 24 (-3.5) – SWEEP! SWEEP! SWEEP!
Jacksonville 23 @ Denver 14 (-3.5) – It wasn’t sooner.
Cincinnati 21 @ Seattle 24 (-3-TIE) – The house is just loving all these pushes.
Cleveland 24 (+3-WIN) @ Oakland 26 – Mr. Anderson, meet Mr. Smith Not Agent Smith, just Smith.
Carolina 27 (-4.5) @ Atlanta 20 – The only thing Joanie didn’t do right was win.
NY Giants 24 @ Washington 17 (-4) – How bad is my nose-picking? Does the fact that I took Duh Deadskins tell you anything?
Dallas 34 @ Chicago 10 (-3) – 3, 3.5, it didn’t matter. It was another GROSSman performance.
Tennessee 31 (+4) @ New Orleans 14 – Repeating, back to the Aints.
Week 4 (5-9 ATS, 1-0-1 O/U)
Green Bay 23 @ Minnesota 16 (+3) – I should’ve given the points.
Chicago 27 @ Detroit 37 (+3) – We didn’t need them.
Oakland 35 @ Miami 17 (-4) – Culpepper just won, baby. That sucks.
Houston 16 (-3) @ Atlanta 26 – The NFL ain’t that topsy-turvy.
Baltimore 13 @ Cleveland 27 (+4) – I don’t believe it; I blew (well, almost blew) an over/under.
St. Louis 7 @ Dallas 35 (-14) – Did Wiggy’s head blow up?
NY Jets 14 @ Buffalo 17 (+3.5) – Sanity returns to the AFC.
Tampa Bay 20 (+3) @ Carolina – It pays to take my over/unders.
Seattle 23 @ San Francisco 3 (+2.5) – The Fourtiners are officially a one-trick pony.
Pittsburgh 14 (-6.5) @ Arizona 21 – The bookies and the Cards sure took advantage of my mistake.
Kansas City 30 @ San Diego 16 (-12.5) – It didn’t matter, Duh Bolts had no passing defense.
Denver 20 (+10) @ Indianapolis 38 – It was a game until late.
Philadelphia 3 (-3) @ NY Giants 16 – Down goes McNabb! Down goes McNabb!
New England 34 @ Cincinnati 13 (+8) – Knees, meet lead pipe. Lead pipe, meet knees. Egg, meet X-ray machine.
Week 5 (5-8-1 ATS, 2-0 O/U)
Chicago 27 @ Green Bay 20 (-3.5) – No running game finally catches up to the Pack as Knock Knees Tony catches up to me.
Detroit 3 (+3.5) @ Washington 34 – And the reverse was sniffed out early and often.
Carolina 16 (+3.5) @ New Orleans 13 – Sanity returns to the NFC.
Jacksonville 17 (-2) @ Kansas City 7 – Good thing that cup was on.
Atlanta 13 (+8.5-WIN) @ Tennessee 20 – I knew the termites would get to that lumber.
Miami 19 @ Houston 22 (-6-LOSS) – You know you’re in trouble when your starting RB is Ron Dayne.
Seattle 0 (+6.5) @ Pittsburgh 21 – Najeh the Crapper got 2 TDs? What’s going on out there? At least there wasn’t enough scoring to threaten the under call.
Cleveland 17 @ New England 34 (-17-TIE) – The machines have called a truce.
Arizona 34 (-4-LOSS) @ St. Louis 31 – Make it one QB left in the desert.
New York Jets 24 "@" New York Giants 35 (-4) – Dead men tell no lies.
Tampa Bay 14 @ Indianapolis 33 (-10) – Once again, my over-unders are coming through.
San Diego 41 @ Denver 3 (+1) – Okay, who put the spark back in the Bolts?
Baltimore 9 (-3.5-LOSS) @ San Francisco 7 -Too bad the offensive woes continue for the OldBrowns.
Dallas 25 (-11-LOSS) @ Buffalo 24 – I blame Algore.
That leaves me at a bloody 28-42-6 against the spread, but a phenominal 9-0-1 against the over/unders.
