Yesterday out of the UK’s Daily Mail…
Every adult in Britain should be forced to carry ‘carbon ration cards’, say MPs
The influential Environmental Audit Committee says a personal carbon trading scheme is the best and fairest way of cutting Britain’s CO2 emissions without penalising the poor.
Under the scheme, everyone would be given an annual carbon allowance to use when buying oil, gas, electricity and flights.
What a bunch of pikers! If they were really serious about gorebal warming and truely concerned about the short timeframe we have to correct our horribly abused atmosphere, they would create and enforce carbon credits on food.
It’s a well known fact that between 10% and 30% of all flatulence is CO ². With the dramatic over population that the greenies claim is already on the world, we must surely be gassing ourselves out of existence. Even Mrs. Shoe is nodding her head in agreement!
Here’s what I propose:
Every person gets a carbon credit card with an allotment of credits. Older people will naturally get more credits each month because, well, our digestive systems need it.
Carbon charges will be assigned to all foods. I would envision a sliding scale with Jello at zero, baked beans and sauerkraut at 100 and everything else scaled in between.
When you go to purchase food, your card will have credits reduced based upon types and quantities of food. If your diet consists of lots of beef, beans and beer with ice cream for dessert, you’ll probably only be able to eat for a week each month. After that, you’ll need to either buy credits from the jello eaters or become a jello eater yourself for the rest of the month.
To ensure that no one is cheating on their card or getting black market credits, I propose we outfit vans with methane sniffers and have them comb the neighborhoods. With all the carbon food cards connected to a central data bank, it should be easy to determine which houses have depleted their carbon credits for the month. A whiff of methane from from any such house will result in an immediate SWAT engagement to remove any offending foods left in the house. A second offense will have your family eating nothing but brown rice for a month with aggregious offenders also requiring daily hycolonics.
Now if I could just figure out how to tax belching!
