Did I mention that the hardest week in the NFL season to predict is the first? Let’s go over the carnage.
Washington 7 @ NY Giants 16 (-4.5) – That’s how to start the season. Time to break out the old pre-Alvarez Badger chant – I WON FIRST!
Cincinnati 10 (-2) @ Baltimore 17 – Also not recommended; QBs with broken noses.
NY Jets 20 (-3) @ Miami 14 – Please welcome your division-leading New York Bretts.
Kansas City 10 @ New England 17 (-17-LOSS) – Welcome to Super Loser Curse, Brady.
Houston 17 (+6.5) @ Pittsburgh 38 – Ow; my knee! I’m sending the bill to Gary Kubiak for being stupid and having no defense.
Jacksonville 10 (-3) @ Tennesse 17 – Yep; it’s hurting a lot. At least Guido’s working over the same knees Knock-Knees Tony did for the playoffs.
Detroit 21 (-3) @ Atlanta 34 – How bad are Duh Lions? Fox announcers are already calling for heads to roll. At least I got the over right to salvage a split.
Seattle 10 (+1) @ Buffalo 34 – The Seahags looked like The Walrus retired a year early.
Tampa Bay 20 @ New Orleans 24 (-3.5) – It’s all about the turnovers creating emotion.
St. Louis 3 (+7.5) @ Philadelphia 38 – Mental note; see if the Eagles’ defense is still available in my fantasy leagues.
Dallas 28 (-6) @ Cleveland 10 – Wiggy and Owen are quite happy with this result.
Carolina 26 (+9) @ San Diego 24 – I had the right state for the barking dog, just the wrong town.
Arizona 23 @ San Francisco 13 (+2.5) – Turnovers kill.
Chicago 29 @ Indianapolis 13 (-10) – Yep; it was over at halftime. Only thing is, that Bears’ D still has bite.
Minnesota 19 (+2) @ Green Bay 24 – At least I told you to not take the Aaron Rodgers Won’t Make It Through Game 1 prop bet.
Denver 41 (-3) @ Oakland 14 – How bad was this week? I whiffed on the JaMarcus Russel INT total.
Owie-stingie. 6-10 ATS, 8-8 straight-up, 1-1 over/unders leave Guido hunting my sorry ass down. Worse, I owe Uncle Fred because dumbshit me took the donkey with a broken nose instead of the Ragin’ Cajun who pulled off the Upset of the Week™.
