Whereas the turkey is the offical bird of Thanksgiving, and
Whereas turkey is a delicious meat, and
Whereas turkey breast contains more protein and less fat and sodium than chicken breast,
Now therefore I hereby decree that a nameless, pictureless turkey be given a thorough plucking and a complete basting, and warmed to a sufficient temperature for human consumption, and further decree that turkey be thoroughly enjoyed until all of the meat be eaten.
Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. May you be thoroughly stuffed with family.